Continuing coverage of CandyGate (which conveniently involves both candy and an airport gate)! It appears that the candy was king size and that the Union players used it to trap a salivating Conor Casey in an airport supply closet. Then Pablo Mastroeni tweeted a picture of the candy, but took it down and claimed that Danny Califf hacked into his twitter account (although he later admitted this and Saturday’s penalty were both terrible deceptions). After the fiasco the candy said, “Look, it was a rough one for me today. I try to mix industrial chemicals and corn syrup in addictive chocolate and caramel combinations. Sometimes I guess I get too appealing, but it’s just something I have to work on with my nougat and peanuts in practice.” MORE TO COME!!1!@!

PSP favorite Kerith Gabriel noted that it wasn’t the press who went crazy over this candy thing, but the blogosphere. In all honesty, it was probably Peter Nowak who went craziest when he found out, but that’s neither here nor there. The question raised is about the press and bloggers. Kerith is right that the press did not go crazy with this candy story. But if you were to, say, log onto philly.com, you might end up thinking that the press were unaware that a Union match was even being played. There is no coverage of the game on The Goalkeeper blog (where the editor has kindly posted enough videos to make the webpage weightier than Conor Casey on free pancake day). There is a wonderful little piece by Mark Perner in which he conducts extensive research by reading Brazilian newspaper headlines and making fun of soccer fans. (haha, Azerbaijan is a country! Haha, those people play a game where the coach doesn’t get to script every single play!).

In fact, the lone article on the Union is a wire article that appears to have been written by second graders and edited by my puppy. The first sentence features a comma inserted seemingly at random. But let’s not get caught up in the grammar. No, let us examine, instead, the weird use of misplaced sports terms that dot this masterpiece. Colorado scored by pushing “deep into the Union zone.” Mwanga had a shot blocked “just outside the crease.” I hate to say it gets worse but… it does. Jordan Harvey apparently slipped into Le Toux’s jersey – fooling everyone but this intrepid reporter – and assisted Mwanga’s goal. Sneaky, Harv.

The goal here is not to bash Kerith, who is as good of a soccer writer as the “press” has. The point is that the press not only ignored CandyGate, they appear to have ignored the Union match altogether. The first place Union match. The only coverage by either Philly paper was a mad lib from the wire service and Mark Perner using soccer to guffaw at how funny it would be if Philly fans threw toilet paper at Andy Reid: The coach of a team that is not only out of season but in a lockout. Ed said it yesterday and I’ll echo it here: We feel for you, Kerith.

When I think anti-corruption, I think Nixon administration. So it was a huge relief to hear that Henry Kissinger had been offered a spot on Sepp Blatter’s Solutions Committee. What exactly the committee of wise men will be solving is unclear, however, since Blatter maintains that the only thing wrong with FIFA is the media room. It’s an extremely sad state of affairs. Sadder even than Cilea’s verisimo melodrama “Adriana Lecouvreur” as sung by Placido Domingo. Say, I wonder if Placido would like to join Sepp Blatter’s version of the Village People? A singer, a diplomat, a soccer legend… they might add a cowboy and a cop (on second thought, Blatter will probably stay away from law enforcement personnel).

Jordan Harvey’s CSN blog is back. The big news is that Pfeffer gets his driver’s license next month. Which makes us at PSP wonder whether he’d be our DD to Kyle Nakazawa’s fundraiser at Fogo de Chao.

The Union are looking into PPL expansion in the future.

The USWNT beat Mexico 1-0 Sunday. And the goal. Was. Awesome.

Dirty Tackle has a nice photo of Wayne Rooney’s head, complete with transplanted hair.

Fulham appoint former Tottenham and Ajax boss Martin Jol to the Craven Cottage managerial vacancy. One of the Dutchman’s first tasks will be convincing Clint Dempsey to stick around.

Gold Cup

Jamaica rolled over Grenada to start the Gold Cup. Donovan Ricketts didn’t even make a save. Mexico and Costa Rica were even better, racking up 5-0 wins on day one.

Guatemala held on for a 0-0 tie with Honduras, despite ending the match with ten men.

Alejandro Bedoya officially replaces Benny Feilhaber on the USA Gold Cup roster.

The US opens their GC campaign tonight at 8pm ET against the vaunted Canadians. TSG has a preview. MLSSoccer says the Canadians look unified and relaxed.