Photo: Paul Rudderow
Recently, one of the greatest shows ever created ended its run.
Yes, Hoarders is over.
Oh, and so is that other show about the meth-cooking teacher.
If you’ve read me before, you know that means I started thinking about other TV finales and the way that people chose to end something they loved. Of course that led me to think about the potential finales we could be facing as we head into the home stretch of games in the Philadelphia Union’s 2013 season.
Here’s what I came up with, in order of preference (minor spoilers follow):
The Friday Night Lights ending
The Union advance to the MLS Cup and finish the game with a classy, last second goal, typifying the hard work, grit, and skill used to tough out a long MLS season. Fade to black on Sheanon Williams holding up his baby in one hand in trophy in the next as they saunter off the field.
The Full House ending
We (as fans) collectively lose our memories, forget everything about the past two years. Cause: AMNESIA.
Two days later, we wake up, surrounded by Union players:
Us: “Seba? Jack? Amobi?”
Seba: “Vous nous rappelez?”
Us: “Of course I do! How could I forget my Union?!”
Jack and Amobi then explain that we got amnesia after falling off a horse during Carnival Day at PPL Park and missed their playoff run to the MLS Cup.
The Sopranos ending
The Union are pinned back in their own end by the Red Bulls. Fabinho chases Thierry Henry as he strides confidently into…CUT TO BLACK. CUE JOURNEY.
The LOST ending
Conor Casey, Brian Carroll, and Ray Gaddis board Ajira Airlines flight No. 6728 to reach the destination of their first round playoff opponent after being separated from the rest of the team at the airport. After finding the heart of the goal and filling it with shots, they wake up as a back-lit John Hackworth welcomes them to the next step: The Offseason.
The Seinfeld ending
During a season-ending riot, Zac MacMath, Jeff Parke, Keon Daniel, and Danny Cruz are arrested for not helping a Union fan cross Lot B. In an insanely orchestrated This Is Your Life-style court trial, angry Union fans tell of the wrongs done to them by the Union. This seals the Union’s fate to bicker about middling midfield play for eternity.
It’s not all pretty, but a man can hope for an FNL style ending.
Truly, I think they’ll write their own story. It would be phenomenal if it ended with a trophy, but at least we can all take faith in knowing that this year was better than the last.
Ha ha! Nice work, Seth!
.
I’m still bitter about that stupid Sopranos ending…
What about a “Newhart”-esque ending?
.
Hi, I’m Seba. This is my brother Daniel (Cruz), and this is my other brother (Keon) Daniel.
.
Philadelphia Union manager, John Hackworth, awakes one night and nudges his bedmate – SURPRISE, it’s Piotr Nowak – to tell him about the crazy dream he had about the last 2 seasons, a dream cause by a bout of indigestion thanks to some bad Japanese food.
LOVE it AD22!
No Scooby Doo Ending?
Tell me how it’d go Jeffrey!
I assume it would conclude with pulling a mask off of Peter Nowak and he’ll say “I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling kids!”
bickering about our middling midfield is truly a debate about nothing
Wow. A Full House reference. Props.
i help when i can summmer!
Thanks for spoiling the end of Full House for me! I was only on Season 6.
Brilliant.
The Wire ending – Hackworth stares out over Chester as we see a montage of all our favorite characters, new and old. We check in with Nowak, Mondragon, and current players. All in all, nothing really changes.