Wow, a whole slate of negative stories for your Tuesday Newsday:
Isaiah Thompson of Philadelphia’s CityPaper wonders why PPL Park is up and running while Chester hasn’t received any of the public money for economic development that was supposed to be part of the stadium deal.
A Texas man beat his two year old daughter to death because she wouldn’t stop crying during the US-Ghana game, then forced a screw down her throat to make it appear she had choked.
As if being humiliated by young Germans wasn’t enough, England’s golden generation returned to their hotel to find their rooms raided. Five hotel staff have been arrested, presumably on charges of acting out the wishes of English footy fans everywhere.
Goal.com continues their British tabloid impression with a story about Roy Keane’s “scathing” criticism of the England squad. An example: “Glen Johnson at Liverpool did okay, they had a poor season.” Whoa! Chill out, Roy!
That’s a lot of negativity, so let’s take a deep breath and relax by dissecting another American sports journalist’s (actual) scathing criticism of soccer and its lack of goals:
Paul Mulshine starts out with two very legitimate complains: 1) Soccer needs instant replay for goals and 2) Diving sucks. From these reasonable premises, Mr. Mulshine embarks on a series of random criticisms that end with summary assertions like, “We Americans are the foremost inventors of sports on the planet from volleyball to frisbee to snowboarding.” Haha, it’s true! Americans do have a tendency to invent new sports when they aren’t the best at currently existing sports! Then they use their vast wealth to super-fund the sports until athletes around the world want to play our sports in order to make a lot of money. In fact, Americans should show the rest of the world how sports are supposed to work by buying up their franchises and fixing them up the American way. Right, Tom Hicks and Malcolm Glazer?
Also, why are we obsessed with making soccer players score more goals? We rightly celebrate the no-hitter in baseball and the shutdown defense in football, yet an incredible defensive display by Switzerland against Spain is boring. Why? Because you aren’t even trying to understand the game. I could read new articles about the NBA every single day and not find a single criticism of the refereeing that is every bit as bad as in soccer. But NBA refs are bad in a way that raises scores. Oh, did Dwyane Wade run into somebody? Well give the guy some free throws. Because with 2/5 of the team on the court unable to shoot beyond 5 feet from the basket, we have to get points on the board some way. NBA refs will call a foul for Kobe Bryant before he hits the lane. Throwing your hands wildly in the air is the NBA equivalent of diving, and it happens mutliple times every single game. If you do not understand a sport, do not write about it. All you end up doing is writing a variant of this sentence: “As somebody who is ignorant of this topic and unwilling to consider its merits, I am standing up for the millions of other ignoramuses who refuse to spend the time necessary to understand this sport.” Congrats, Paul! You’re the nuttiest guy in the nuthouse!
Vancouver has a new soccer field made of 22,000 recycled tires.
Barcelona confirmed that Thierry Henry is free to leave the club this summer. Not included in the statement: “And someone please take Ibrahimovic. Seriously, we just bought David Villa and Ibra’s kinda lazy and doesn’t work well with Messi, who cost us a lot less and actually seems to enjoy playing football.”
FIFA might use extra referees, but will probably shun Mighty Morphin Power Ref, aka goal line technology.
Nick Zimmerman and Union Jack McInerney have been loaned to the City Islanders for their Lamar Hunt Cup clash with New York Red Bulls.
An Octopus in Germany predicts Argentina will lose to Germany, proving that no matter how crazy Diego Maradona might be, the Germans have him beat.
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