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RICKETY RACCOON: Ya know I saw my opportunity and I took it. I was behind the bench of those blue humans and there was an opening so I was able to accelerate into that space. I thought there may have been some crab fries out there on the field, but wouldn’t ya know, there was only grass. Why the hell were all those humans running around out there for anyway, there wasn’t even a hot dog on the field for them to eat. Anywho – Ratatatattricckkkkkk – sorry heh – just saying hi to one of my raccoon mates passing by there. Where was I? Oh yeah then some humans tried to put a trash can on me. Really? A Trash can?! Seems a bit like raccoon based profiling. But I stumped that chump with the ole Rickety Raccoon shuffle and left him in my dust.
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PSP: There was a moment out there where you had paused about 25 yards out from NYCFC’s box, what was your plan then?
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RR: Oh well- I was thinking about taking a dump on the field, would’ve been better than the Union’s performance so far in the game, but turns out… I’m a shy pooper even in front of only a half full stadium.
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PSP: They nearly caught you with the first trash can attempt. Any injuries there?
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RR: *scoffs* injure ole Rickety? Perish the thought, I mean they could’ve just thrown a pretzel in there and I would’ve gone right in, but since they were trying to play rough with me… Well ole Rickety’s not one to shy away from a scrap I can tell ya that much baby!
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PSP: What’s next for you Rickety?
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RR: Listen, I know when I’m not wanted. They usually try to put a trash can on you. So I’m thinking I gotta take my talents elsewhere, like 11th and Pattison.