Playoffs are stupid. I see the fun in them but I also subscribe to the “it’s not who wins the battle, it’s who wins the war” theory. And playoffs are like the Roman army coming back out to the field and saying, “Ok, the war is over. But since you guys came pretty close to winning, we’re going to give you one… more… SUPERBATTLE!

Primera

Cannons began what has to be an epic run to the playoff championship with a win over Philly United last week. They earn the right to play regular season champs Grey Lodge this Saturday in a game that absolutely will not be scoreless after 90 minutes. Two very good offenses will face off and if you’re a fan of goals, this is your event (no, wait. The World Cup is your event. But this is cool too.) Drinker’s Pub beat Penn United last weekend, making Penn’s relegation official. Drinker’s gets West Philly United this weekend, looking to avenge a regular season loss. AC Milan faces off against Real Optimus in a game that will hinge upon whether AC Milan can control the midfield. Optimus is strong up the middle and it’ll take a Herculean, or Pirloean, effort to knock them off. In the most exciting game of the round Philly Soccer Firm and Cracovia take the field and I would highly suggest that everyone in this game wears shinguards, kneeguards and any other guards you can find. These teams play physical and that’ll be stepped up another notch in the playoffs.

Segunda

Sporting Philly won an epic 5-4 battle over Memphis Taproom last weekend with, according to the stats book, all the goals coming in the second half. Can that be right? Did these guys switch from soccer to foosball after 45? Sporting will look to continue their offensive spurt against Stoney United, another team that can get into a goalscoring groove. Skulls will face Nittany in a matchup that could very well end in a tie. It’s just something Skulls seems to do well. I would predict a 2-2 tie if I was a betting man. Which I haven’t been since Lichtenstein’s marathon 67-66 win over Djibouti in Team Handball. Hindsight is 20/20, right? United Nations and Steagles FC make up the last twosome of the weekend. UN was a powerful team when they put the pieces together, but they had some stumbles during the long season and Steagles will have to poke around and find the weaknesses if they want to move on.

Tercera

Revolution 76, Lot Lizards, Park Towne United and Bayern Makefield all picked up wins last weekend. Park Towne and Makefield were playing quarterfinal matches (moved up a week so everybody can watch USA/England dive in the box play soccer on Saturday.  Rev76 and Lot Lizards, the wild card winners, face Quaker City and Mt. Laurel respectively in quarterfinal matches this weekend, with the winners meeting PTU and Makefield on June 19.

Abierto

Kilbanes and The Incredibles got big wins and Sweet Lucy’s put together a strong performance to knock off Pennypack Park Rangers, but the big upset in the first round of the Abierto playoffs was Revolving Orange knocking off Sons of Ben Zolo. Orange had a sub-500 record while Zolo came in with a single loss. The Incredibles draw AOH61 in the next round while Kilbanes finds Spruce Goose waiting. Orange and Sweet Lucy’s are through to the semis. Sweet Lucy’s will be raring to go no matter who they play, as I’m pretty sure they think they deserve another shot at promotion. Revolving Orange will look to continue their cinderella run, a run that I assume is quite dainty since they have to wear those ridiculous slippers.