Three years ago, the Union were sitting in a very similar position to the one they find themselves in now: Rough play had landed them a terrible record and things looked grim.

So grim in fact, that I took to imagining them doing pretty much anything other than playing soccer. Despite their recent run of form, I’ve started again to let my mind wander. And I think there’s some fertile ground for some entertainment in the form of Union TV spinoffs:

• Union Eye for the Regular Guy
  Say what you will about how they look on the field, this team looks sharp off it. I think our Maurice Edu and Ray Gaddis could take care of fashion. I’ll assume our Frenchmen can show us some classic techniques in the kitchen. Richie Marquez and Rais Mbolhi can double team beard care/personal grooming. Interior design with manager Jim CURTIN (official dad joke in honor of Father’s Day). And we can finish it off with cultural picks from Sheanon Williams and Antoine Hoppenot.

• The Goalkeeper
  No, not a series about Jonathan Tannenwald, the Union front office will search for everlasting love  — and a reasonably-priced veteran goalie. Each episode will end with a glove ceremony in which Nick Sakiewicz will present each remaining contender with a glove. Challenges will include not kicking the ball out of bounds on goal kicks, proper communication, and the all important one-on-one shots.

• Union Feud
  Family Feud for the Union set. Pit Offense vs. Defense and ask 100 fans a series of questions such as:
  – How many beers can Conor Casey drink?
  – Which other MLS player would you want on your team?
  – Which Union player would you understand if your significant other left you for them?
  – Survey says: It’s a HIT.

• Philadelphia’s Next Top Coach
  It’s common knowledge that former players often become coaches or managers. I think it would be interesting to get some of our current players some exposure to the coaching life, thereby making them excellent candidates. Let’s put a few guys who may soon be pondering their next steps in charge of some U-7 teams and see what happens. Fred, Brian Carroll, and Fabinho should make for at least a few moments of levity.

• Serial: Andrew Wenger Edition
  It’s time someone investigated what is really going on with Mr. Wenger. How about a 10-part serialized documentary podcast investigating the winger’s drop in confidence? I’m not trying to be mean here, I think it would be incredibly interesting because I think Wenger has lots of tools to be successful. But something has killed his confidence. This series would aim to identify the killer of Andrew’s confidence and hopefully provide a shot at redemption. We believe you in Andrew.

• Sak Lunch
  Nick Sakiewicz takes his first steps in mending fences with upset Union fans by treating them to lunch and encouraging discussion about changes to the club. Who’s hungry?

I’d actually watch a few of the TV shows above so, Union marketing, feel free to poach my ideas! I guarantee I would take a free lunch from Sak and Union Feud almost makes too much sense.

Outside of that, I’m looking forward to the rest of the season, starting with the Open Cup, and the opening of the transfer window (byeeeeeeeeeee Rais!).

Just remember, at least it’s not Real Housewives of the Union. . . actually, add that to the list.